...making Linux just a little more fun!

<-- prev | next -->

Wonderful World of Spam

(Readers of this might enjoy reading the Confessions of a Spammer).


From: "Ingrown K. Overweight" <Brederveld@crewstart.com>
Subject: Mso i demand an apology

Hey Mso

I have thhe beest neews... this montth i discoovered a place on thhe neet whhere i can geet heaps of dirty cheap vi ag ra its unreal i tell ya.
ohh well ive talked enough already ive put in the link bleow. ejnoy mate this one is on me ;)


Finally, Vi-Agra gets the recognition it deserves!!!

A Cure for Windows Viruses

Converted to Linux, for your c|n>k pleasure.
----- Forwarded message from 
Network Security Department <fggopcwv@technet.com> -----
Fine, Go Get Our Punishment - Catch Windows Virus.
SUBJECT: Last Network Security Upgrade
<accent voice=bullwinkle>This time for sure!</accent>
Date: Thu, 13 Nov 2003 15:51:11 +0000

Microsoft Customer
We noticed that you X11 users still buy mice.
this is the latest version of security update, the
"November 2003, Cumulative Patch" update which resolves
all known security vulnerabilities affecting
MS Internet Explorer, MS Outlook and MS Outlook Express
as well as three newly discovered vulnerabilities.

Vulnerabilities for Linux users running IE include extra memory usage for WINE or VMware, spurious attempts to run activeX widgets, and much pointing and laughter by your peers.

Vulnerabilities for Linux users seeking to run Outlook include WINE not liking the latest version much, too. Maybe you'd enjoy balsa or sylpheed. The most dangerous vulnerability is being possibly saddled with Exchange...

Newly discovered vulnerabilities include a potential for contracting the gullibility virus. That is, being gullible enough to think someone dumb enough to send executable attachments in the modern era has any IDEA what you should install on your computer.

Install now to protect your computer
from these vulnerabilities, the most serious of which could
allow an attacker to run code on your computer.

Take all these antihistamines! (but I'm not allergic to anything right now) You have to! Right nowwwwww! (Did you know that having too many *anti* histamines gives most people reactions resembling flu? Thus the admonitions about heavy vehicle use and so on. What if it gives you the "my bones ache and I feel queasy" edition of "flu" - then you're stuck - sick.)

Piss-Off-Curious-Newbie-So-They-Will-Never-Run-Linux-HOWTO: Install Linux right nowwwww. Don't even ask how to partition it or anything. Just do it!

Folks, if you dunno what you want, why the heck would you think somebody who can't use a normal and legitimate address for some important announcement would have any idea what's good or bad for your computer? Do you let complete strangers off the street tune your car too?

This update includes the functionality of all previously released patches.

This virus contains the hubris of all previously released worm trojan thingies, since those lunks at the antivirus companies haven't caught me yet.

Microsoft Product Support Services and Knowledge Base articles can be found on the Microsoft Technical Support web site.

True, for what it's worth. Most of their entries regarding linux are chock full of FUD ranting. But also for the record, so can all of their *real* updates be found, on the site that they really control.

Think, folks. If MS really was going to bother the world with their updates, would they:
1. flood the world with heavy spam (attachments)
2. flood the world with light spam (mention a URL for download)
3. install "Update Me" software in their latest OS releases?

Golly gosh. You think that (3) was there for a reason?

	Greetings Microsoft Customers.
	We wish you to be happy and safe this season.
	Please download the security updates promptly at

Even if you don't decide to solve it by installing something else that's less vulnerable. FreeBSD maybe, if you don't like Linux.

Thank you for using Microsoft products.

It makes my virus campaign so much easier when people leave "Administrator" group privileges on because it's such a pain to turn them off. (Win2K, WinNT. Maybe WinXP tho I wouldn't know. Never touch the XP stuff, even worse EULA than the other ones, and the "break when you upgrade your hardware too much" feature is beyond even viral programming talent. Stands for Xtremely Painful.)

Or better yet if all users have the same powers, basically to control anything on the system. (Win9x)

So all you Linux people, if you could run wine as root, then install my uber bug, I'm kinda hoping for some test sites for a distributed denial okay? thx suXXerZ!

Please do not reply to this message.

Please do not track down the sysadmin whose open relay allowed me to bother you nor help him to fix it.

It was sent from an unmonitored e-mail address

Yeah, I'll bet.

and we are unable to respond to any replies.

"we" the predatory insects of the world, in solidarity with the bugs of our fellow software products...

Any insects out there using Linux, please feel free to protest this slight to your chitinous cousins :)

The names of the actual companies and products mentioned herein are the
trademarks of their respective owners.
Copyright 2003 Microsoft Corporation.

PS. Microsoft, please don't get mad enough to send a corporate squad of hitmen out to clobber this poor lowly worm writer. Respect intellectual property, we do. Yessssss my preciousssss....


Je ne le crois pas.

Shut up, Ben. It could've happened to Perl too. --Mike Orr

Python Tools

$2200 In Damage Repairs
That's What An Electrician Had To Pay To Replace The Tile He Broke While In=
stalling An Outlet In A Bathroom
Finally There's A Tool That Will Keep This From Happening To You.

-- The Python Perfect Cutter Is Like An Insurance Policy --
Here's the tool that will change the way you cut holes forever. The Perfect=
 Cutter not only lets you cut perfect electrical holes, it eliminates the c=
hance of breaking a tile or scratching a wall or any other mistake that cou=
ld cost you as much or more than $2,200. The Perfect Cutter uses a patented=
 template system to guide a high-speed router as you make your cut in drywa=
ll, lathe and plaster, paneling, ceramic tile, Corian?, Formica?, whatever!=
 Your hands or the tool never touch your customer's walls and it even sucks=
 up the drywall dust as it cuts, so no more cleaning up.

-- Customers Love It --
As a professional craftsman you can use the Perfect Cutter to improve produ=
ctivity, increase your customer's satisfaction and generate referral busine=
ss. The holes are straighter, stronger, have a better fit saving energy and=
 improving fire safety. And the best part is it does all this and reduces w=
ear and tear on your body, as well as making the most difficult cuts into q=
uick, clean moneymaking ones.

"We've been using the Perfect Cutter for only about a month now and can alr=
eady see how it has helped save us time. And saved time means more revenue.=
        --- George Bavolak=20
             Owner of Bavolak Electric

-- Do You Do Residential Service Work? --
Watch & learn how you can put an easy $12,000 or more in your pocket every =
12 months. Without doing anything more than you're doing now!

Python Tools

Contact us at:

For more information, go to www.pythontools.com or copy and paste http://ww=
w.pythontools.com?area_5=3Dcounters/newsletter1 in your web browser.

If you no longer wish to receive these types of messages, please contact in=

New Domains for New Countries

By Heather Stern

----- Forwarded message from Cherry Nolan <f468mmhn@myexcel.com> -----

From: "Cherry Nolan" <f468mmhn@myexcel.com>
To: iwp@oz.net
Subject: Your .EU Domain is for sale vz s yqa 
Date: Sun, 14 Dec 03 18:55:44 GMT

Domain Name News
December 2003

New domains are being release for
the European Union. The launch of
eu domain names has been approved
and they are expected to go live
in early 2004.

New countries are being created every day! Prussian princes everywhere will want their very own .eu domain.

Protect your business name by
buying your .eu domain before they
are available for purchase at public
registrars where anyone can buy them.

Become a wealthy Merchant Prince and the talk of the town. Spamtown, that is.

We are now accepting orders for the
new .eu domains.



See our web site for contact information.

Yours faithfully,

Sales Co-Ordinator
EU Registry Services

Glad to meet you Sales. My warlord Procmail would like to get to know you better. He can put you in a waiting room with a complete harem from exotic places. Exotic enough to have open relays, at least.


You are receiving this email because you
have purchased or manage a domain from
us or one of our partners. 

We have sent you this mail because we believe you or one of your penguins have sufficient conquering experience to take over one or more domains.

If you do not
wish to receive offers from us in the
future, you may optout at

If you wish to be put on our easily_conquered_nations list, please apply at the URL above.

jqayon uliefzjtpz voszhgbe quoeawzy uok cpzuq

klaatu barada neko-chan chew on kitty toy.

Honest Spam? Not Quite

[Jimmy] I received this spam, and thought "Oh, how refreshingly honest. It told me where my address was harvested from".

Date: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 04:24:45 -0400
From: Making Money 24/7 
Subject: money for you this year!!!

Hi JimmyO'Regan!

Just so you know I saw your name in the
newsgroup alt.fan.pratchett. So I emailed you.

Of course, it was still obviously spam. Maybe trying to go back to the traditional style of spam, where you have actual English instead of V I A G R A might fool someone, but when you're sending to addresses harvested from a newsgroup, there's always a chance someone might start a thread. Of course, anyone who might have been taken in would be undeceived by the second spam I received from this crowd:

Date: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 06:27:16 -0400
From: Jaye P 
Subject: hey, still trying to live day by day?

Hi %Name%!
Just so you know I saw your name in the
newsgroup %Newsgroup%. So I emailed you.
What would you do if you had extra money?
A nice steady flow of income that is
residual month after month? What would
you do if you had a great product to
promote? We show you exactly how it's all
done! We invite you to join our free
mailing list subscription. You will
receive mailings about out products,
business opportunities, ways to make your
profits go through the ROOF, and so much
MORE! All you have to do is send an email
to makeityourday@hotpop.com with the subject
'Please Subscribe Me'.
We look forward to hearing from you soon!

This edition of "The Wonderful World of Spam" has been brought to you by: Sluggo, Heather, and Jimmy; courtesy of spammers everywhere.


Copyright © 2004, . Released under the Open Publication license unless otherwise noted in the body of the article. Linux Gazette is not produced, sponsored, or endorsed by its prior host, SSC, Inc.

Published in Issue 104 of Linux Gazette, July 2004

<-- prev | next -->