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Wacko Topic of the Month
Not The Answer Gang
World of Spam: Nigeria-related
World of Spam: Other

Wacko Topic of the Month

buthead is a program to copy all but the first N lines of standard input to standard output. It's a new Debian package. Think Beavis and...

Not The Answer Gang

Internet café

Answered By Don Marti, Heather Stern

Dear sir,
please send me through email on how to setup an internet cafe in detail using red hat linux and windows nt cause I am planning to setup one. I got some tips from my friends but I want to consult a professional like you. hoping you'll send me the details. thank you sir...

[Don] Cleanliness is important! Wash the coffee pot every day for peak flavor, and wash your hands before serving food and beverages.

To make the cafe inviting to customers, wipe up spills from tables or floors when there are no customers in line.

Shop around at local bakeries to find the best baked goods. If you tell them you are opening an Internet cafe, many bakeries will bring you a free sample plate of breakfast pastries.

Get plenty of change and small bills in the morning in case the first few customers only have large bills.

[Heather] Last, but certainly not least: The Linux Coffee HOWTO.

Mail story

Answered By Heather Stern

Ben Okopnik says:
I'm gettin' middlin' crazy with the e-mail blahs; I seem to be wandering in this maze of little passages, all alike...

[Heather] You are in a maze of twisty little RFC 822 headers, mostly alike. To the south you see a door with the label "MX" hastily taped over what appears to be the letter "A". To the north is another RFC822 header. There is a trophy case here.

 > look trophy

The trophy case has clearly seen better days. It has different sections with small faded labels like "MIME" and "base 64 encoded". It appears to contain a scroll.

 > get scroll

It's in the trophy case.

 > open trophy

With what, your bare hands?

 > open trophy with hands

The trophy case contains a scroll. Its lid is open.

 > get scroll

The scroll tube "Mapping DUNGEO for precocious 6 year olds." It looks like this tube has been opened before.

> s

You have arrived at the SMTP reception area. The host appears to be waiting for something.

 > ehlo starshine.org

EHLO starshine.org, pleased to meet you!

Reboot

Answered By Rory Krause

Quote from Rory as he disappeared into the server room when a server ran out of swap space, "It needs a rootie tootie rebootie."

Taking care of Ben Okopnik

Answered By Iron, Faber Fedor

... work fine, just as they will in procmail. Note that "pchs.com" will work (without "\.") - but will also match "pchsxcom", etc. I'm so confused!

[Ben] When it comes to regexes, you're not the first... nor will you be the last. <ominous laugh:>

[Iron] We really need to do something about that Ben Okopnik... Now he's being diabolical about regexes. I wonder when he's gonna start writing a virus. <flips dark shades down so he can exit incognito>

[Ben] Not meeee! I'm only a part-time ax-murderer!

-Ben Okopnik, white hat firmly in place
-=-=-=-=-=-

[Faber] This man can't hold down *any* job full-time, can he? :-)

[Ben] Ah-hah. I *thought* some of Faber's mannerisms and turns of phrase sounded familiar. Dad, are you using pen names *again*?

[Iron] Son, when are you going to stop playing around with them computer contraptions and get a REAL job?

[Ben] <Jaw hits floor> Mike, you're welcome to give Pop his brain back any time you're done using it. I'm sure he could still get some wear out of it...

The phrasing - even though the original was in Russian - was word-for-word exact. I guess the folks at Alcoholics Anonymous aren't the only ones who get those "you mean my experience isn't unique?" shocks.

How to spoof e-mail

Answered By Ben Okopnik

Faber Fedor asks:
I was wondering if anyone here could explain how email spoofing occurs. Specifically, email sent from bozo@spam.com TO bozo@spam.com. If it's being sent To: bozo@spam.com, how does it show up in my mailbox? Is there a "broadcast" address for email at a site?

[Ben]

From: <random_name@anywhere.com>
To: <random_name@stupid_ISP_that_permits_open_relaying.shmuck>
Bcc: <list_of_harvested_addresses>
Subject: MONEY!! MONEY!! MONEY!!!!!!

Dear <Insert Name Here>:

Wouldn't *YOU* like to make a bazillion dollars? This program requires 
no effort, no time, and NO brain. You don't even have to know the 
details of what will happen. Simply send me all your money, and I'll
take care of everything!!!

<List of testimonials follows>

Phone service

Answered By Iron

I am moving from Canada to XXXXX Illinois and I cant seem to find anywhere the names of telephone companies who do installations and basic service I dont need long distance,I would like to get that information please as soon as possible as i am moving September 4th/2001 and I would like the phone installed in my apartement before I move in.And i know here in Canada you want to know something you call the press,and you can always get your answers.

[Iron] And you think everybody in "the press" knows everything? Have you ever tried e-mailing a random publication in Vancouver or Halifax to see whether they'd tell you how to get in touch with the local phone company?

Try typing "XXXXX Illinois telephone" into a search engine and see what it says. Many cities have a general links page maintained by some public or private organization. Or find the city's Chamber of Commerce and ask them.

You've reached the Linux Gazette Answer Gang....
   Linux ::::::::: a modern operating system not much like any of:
               --- DOS -- Windows -- Solaris -- MacOS -- alien starships ---
               ... except occasionally, an ability to run on the same hardware.
   Gazette ::::::: published more regularly than "almanac."  In our case:
               --- a monthly web-based magazine, home: www.linuxgazette.com
   Answer Gang ::: Not the "lazy college student's UNstudy group"
               --- nor the "hey d00dz help me cRaK my neighBoorZ klub"

We're just a batch of (mostly) cheerful volunteers who want to make LINUX
a little more fun.  If you want fascinating answers to non-computing questions
try asking Cecil Adams, buy a Tarot deck, or run the 'fortune' program on
your nearest Linux box and see if it actually has any meaning for you.

College grants

Answered By Iron

I am majoring in CIS and i am looking for any grant money i can find to help pay for me to go to school. If you know of any sites or places i could write would you please send me a reply.

[Iron] I know one place you shouldn't write, and that is this address.

Skull

Answered By Ben Okopnik

I'm a Red Hat user (don't look at me like that, Ben!)

[Iron] Ben, are you intimidating people again?



 [Ben]

                            ______
                         .-"      "-.
                        /            \
            _          |              |          _
           ( \         |,  .-.  .-.  ,|         / )
            > "=._     | )(__/  \__)( |     _.=" <
           (_/"=._"=._ |/     /\     \| _.="_.="\_)
                  "=._ (_     ^^     _)"_.="
                      "=\__|IIIIII|__/="
                     _.="| \IIIIII/ |"=._
           _     _.="_.="\          /"=._"=._     _
          ( \_.="_.="     `--------`     "=._"=._/ )
           > _.="                            "=._ <
          (_/                                    \_)

World of Spam: Nigeria-related

(Urgent and confidential)
(Re: TRANSFER OF ($ 152,000.000.00 USD (ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY TWO MILLION DOLLARS

Dear sir,
We want to transfer to overseas ($ 152,000.000.00 USD) One hundred and Fifty two million United States Dollars) from a Prime Bank in Africa, I want to ask you to quietly look for a reliable and honest person who will be capable and fit to provide either an existing bankaccount or to set up a new Bank a/c immediately to receive this money,even an empty a/c can serve to receive this money, as long as you will remain honest to me till the end for this important business trusting in you and believing in God that you will never let me down either now or in future.

The amount involved is (USD 152M) One hundred and Fifty two million United States Dollars, only I want to first transfer $52,000.000 [fifty two million United States Dollar from this money into a safe foreigners account abroad before the rest, but I don't know any foreigner,

[Doesn't know any foreigner, huh? -Iron.]

I am only contacting you as a foreigner because this money can not be approved to a local person here, without valid international foreign passport, but can only be approved to any foreigner with valid international passport or drivers license and foreign a/c because the money is in us dollars and the former owner of the a/c Mr. Allan P. Seaman is a foreigner too, [and the money can only be approved into a foreign a/c However, we will sign a binding agreement, to bind us together

With my influence and the position of the bank official we can transfer thismoney to any foreigner's reliable account which youcan provide with assurance that this money will be intact pending our physical arrival in your country forsharing. The bank official will destroy all documents of transaction immediately we receive this money leaving no trace to any place and to build confidence you can come immediately to discuss with me face to face after which I will make this remittance in your presence and three of us will fly to your country at least two days ahead of the money going into the account.

I will apply for annual leave to get visa immediately I hear from you that you are ready to act and receive this fund in your account. I will use my position and influence to obtain all legal approvals for onward transfer of this money to your account with appropriate clearance from the relevant ministries and foreign exchange departments.

I am Dr. Mrs. Mariam XXXXX, wife to the late Nigerian Head of state, General XXX XXXXX who died on the Xth of XXX 1998 while still on active service for our Country. I currently have within my reach the sum of 18.92 million U.S dollars cash which l intend to use for investment purposes outside Nigeria. This money came as a result of a payback contract deal between my husband and a Russian firm in our country's multi-billion dollar Ajaokuta steel plant .... Your URGENT response is needed. Please include your personal phone and fax number.

Subject: URGENT & CONFIDENTIAL
ATTENTION: THE PRESIDENT,

I AM AN ACCOUNTANT AND MEMBER OF THE TENDER COMMITTEE OF MY CORPORATION, THE NIGERIA NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORATION (NNPC).

AFTER DUE CONSULTATION WITH OTHER MEMBERS OF THE COMMITTEE I HAVE SPECIFICALLY BEEN MANDATED TO ARRANGE WITH YOU FOR A POSSIBLE TRANSFER OF SOME FUNDS ... RESULTING FROM VARIOUS CONTRACTS ...

WE EXPECT TO LOBBY TOP OFFICIALS FOR THEM TO APPROVE THE PAYMENT.

NOTE THAT WE HAVE PUT IN MANY YEARS OF METICULOUS SERVICE TO THE GOVERNMENT

i am chief babatope babs, the secretary to the federal government of nigeria contract award and monitoring committee in the nigerian national petroleum corporation (n.n.p.c).

sometime ago, a contract was awarded to a conglomerate of foreign companies in n.n.p.c by my committee. these contracts were over - invoiced to the tune of us$22.35million. this was done delibrately; the over-invoicing was a deal by members of my committee to benefit from the project. we now desire to transfer this money, which is presently in a suspense account of the n.n.p.c in our apex bank into an overseas account

[A suspense account? Does he mean a suspended account? -Iron.]

it does not matter whether or not your company does contract projects of the nature described here. the assumption is that you won a major contract and subcontracted it out to other companies, more often than not, big trading companies or firms of unrelated fields win major contracts and subcontracts to more specialised firms for execution of such contracts.

Subject: Son of Babs

[This was another message similar to the one above, but from Babs' son. It said that Babs was killed on duty several years ago. -Iron.]

I HOPE MY LETTER DOES NOT CAUSE YOU TOO MUCH EMBARRASSMENT AS I WRITE TO YOU IN GOOD FAITH BASED ON THE CONTACT ADDRESS GIVEN TO ME BY A FRIEND WHO ONCE WORKED AT THE NIGERIAN EMBASSYIN YOUR COUNTRY.

I REPRESENT MOHAMMED XXXXX, SON OF THE LATE GEN. XXX XXXXX, WHO WAS THE FORMER MILITARY HEAD OF STATE IN NIGERIA. HE DIED IN 1998. SINCE HIS DEATH, THE FAMILY HAS BEEN LOSING A LOT OF MONEY DUE TO VINDICTIVE GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS WHO ARE BENT ON DEALING WITH THE FAMILY. BASED ON THIS THEREFORE, THE FAMILY HAS ASKED ME TO SEEK FOR A FOREIGN PARTNER WHO CAN WORK WITH US AS TO MOVE OUT THE TOTAL SUM OF US$75,000,000.00 ( SEVENTY FIVE MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS ), PRESENTLY IN THEIR POSSESSION.

World of Spam: Other

Subject: Can you handle big bucks?

Content-Type: application/octet-stream; name="Setup.exe"

[Yeah, like I'm really going to open an attachment called Setup.exe. -Iron.]

Subject: RE: what happened to your email

Just a short little note today from me - just meant to help you since you've been posting to FFA pages like mine.

If you are posting and advertising all over the place and not getting the results you want - THERE IS A GOOD REASON WHY you're not getting results!

If you are ARE "signing up" people - but THEY never do anything that makes you OR them money - THERE IS A GOOD REASON WHY that's happening.

Have you ever considered opening your own High Quality on-line Singles/Dating Service or significantly enhancing your existing Web Site with a Singles/Dating/Matchmaking area?

DATA

Subject: Hi. Just seeing how you're getting on.

Have you got your internet business up and running yet? Is it making you money? If not then you need to check out this opportunity.

Subject: I LOVE YOU AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!!!!!!!!!.

Subject: I Thought of You When I Saw This Program!

" THE KARMA PROGRAM! "

Subject: Bulletproof Website Hosting Available..

BULK FRIENDLY offshore website hosting only $500 per month.
Bulk Email advertise your website, RISK FREE!
Never have your website shutdown again!
More hits and business than you can imagine.

I am sending you this to see if you might be interested in testing E Mail marketing for your company. Based on our experience, targeted E Mail marketing should dramatically reduce your marketing costs while simultaneously boosting your sales.

Subject: FREE Secrets to Wealth on the Web

Every month over 1,000,000 new web-sites come on-line. Websites from people who want to make a living from internet commerce. But they haven't the slightest idea how to go about it.

Would you like to be able to get a list of these people? Newcomers to the Net are ideal prospects for anyone offering Internet Marketing services and training of any kind. Would you like to get the tools to trace them, take them by the hand, and sell them your unique internet marketing program?

These newbies will welcome your offer with outstretched arms! (Remember your own desperation when you entered the net??)

Imagine! You can offer them a free manual that provides the step-by-step information they have been searching for ever since they came on line, when they buy the necessary software to become successful from you.

Do you think you'll have any problems selling to these people???

When you realize that newcomers to the Internet want and need your help, it should be clear that here is the answer to all of your promotion fantasies! Here is the Mother-lode! The source of more business than you ever dreamed of! If you could reach these people, it would be almost like getting the combination to your bank's safe!

The question is though, how do you find these people?

There is no main gate to the Internet, that everyone goes through when they first get online... There's no "newbie" lounge where they all congregate... or is there? In fact, there is a place where most Internet newcomers gather, if they are hoping to establish a web-based home business. You can find them there any time of the day or night... I can show you where they are!

None of the internet Marketing Gurus has ever been able to tell you where to catch these people when they're entering the net! I can and I will!

This email is being sent to you on behalf of your current webspace provider.

[It was, huh? Do you even know who my webspace provider is? -Iron.]

If you would like to receive this excellent offer all you have to do is send your details to the following email address and your username and password will be emailed to you within 5 business days. Then you will be able to login at the members area of XXXXX.com and configure your account (add domains, setup scripts etc.).

Please send all of the following details:

Your Full Name
Your Full Address
Your Phone Number
Your Email Address
Your Credit Card Number
Your Credit Card Expiry Date
Your Credit Card Type (eg. visa, mastercard etc.)

Send all of the above to XXXXX@techieXXX.com

SUBJECT: Are You In Need Of A Lifestyle Change...

Note the compiling of previous customers' e-mail addresses.

Are you ready to upgrade your web site for e-commerce or drastically improve your current shopping cart system?...

The admin area allows all orders to be saved to a permanent database where previous customers can be searched by any of the criteria from the order. A list of previous customer's email addresses can be compiled in this area as well.

Don't be the one to waste valuable time with an inferior shopping cart program that isn't tailored to your business. XXXXX was developed and by an experienced web development company that specializes in helping people like you sell and market products over the Internet.

Due to our ISP's terms of service agreement, we are unable to advertise the web address of the Atomicart demonstration web site in this message, so contact us today at XXX XXX XXXX and we will provide you with demonstration web addresses. When you call, you will speak directly with a software engineer not a salesperson.

Happy Linuxing!

Mike ("Iron") Orr
Editor, Linux Gazette, gazette@linuxgazette.net